walking home

every day during my lunch break and after work is over, i walk back to my house. it's not a long walk and usually takes no more than 10 minutes (and we don't walk fast)

most days we are greeted by kids in our village yelling "muzungu! muzungubai!" and hugging us. it's usually one of my very favorite parts of my day. the kids always hug me, hold my hand and i get to talk to them about their day. slowly, but surely i am learning their names + their stories. it's the best thing to watch it unfold.

today was a rainy day. which is not really normal saying it's "dry season". we also did not have power for a good portion of today and it was cold. like i had to put on a jacket in the middle of uganda cold. yeah, not the happiest feeling for a day. anyways, on our walk home from work today we met a new group of kids. mostly boys and mostly older (think 6-12 years)

it didn't seem too out of the ordinary to have kids running up to us, but today was different indeed. today, these kids were pretending to be us (aka muzungus) and how did they greet us? with toy and pretend cameras in our face. they were talking to us saying "smile" and "muzungu look!" they were "taking photos", "videoing" us, and asking us to pose and dance for them.

while the kids thought it was incredibly funny and i found the kids to be really sweet, i also found this situation rather sad.

i don't want the people of uganda or the children to ever look at me and just see a photo-taking-muzungu. that is not my goal. it deeply bothered me that when these kids see us "muzungus" all they see is a camera. or at least, that's how it was for these kids.

that's just not ok.

when these kids see me, i want them to see jesus. i don't ever want a child to wake up thinking about a white girl that only takes their photos and invades their privacy. i don't ever want this ministry or the work in uganda to be about me or muzungus in general. because that's not the point.

i never want to be get so caught up trying to capture a moment that i miss the moment. 

and i am the absolute worst. i love photos. i take too many pictures and love capturing little moments and posing with cute kids in cute moments, but i'm going to take a step back. i plan to reevaluate and not focus so much on capturing photos but instead on relationships.

it has become so common to make our goals "the perfect photo" or to "make sure i look good" instead of not caring what photo you get, but instead what life you change or what friendship you make. i've seen it happen so often in the time i've been here and even in the states. it's heartbreaking to watch and it's even more heartbreaking to know you've participated in it before.

i think it is desperately needed in this day and age of social media, selfies, and everything else. i don't want these kids to remember me by my camera. i never want to get to the point where i only focus on getting "the perfect shot" because that defeats the purpose. i want kids to remember me by my actions and by my love and better yet His love.

here

hello from uganda!

what a crazy almost week it has been. i have finally arrived in jinja and i'm in love with the people, culture, town, and boda bodas!


i spent my first few days in kampala visiting some sweet and very dear friends. such a fun reunion it was!

emma, macey and sharon were the best "guides" ever and took me from church to shopping to all around kampala and then dropped me off in jinja. it was truly the best ever.

we traveled to jinja and were able to meet up with our friend joanna. i was so pumped to finally meet her after so many years of loving the same land!

my dad is with me and leaves on saturday. i'm going to miss him fiercely but am so thankful for the time together in the land i love and that he has learned to love and embrace the culture, too!

ekisa is beyond anything i could have dreamed. i've fallen in love with the kids, mamas, and everyone else. i'm absolutely in love with jinja in general and love getting on a boda boda (motorcycle of sorts) and being able to go anywhere.

we spent today riding horses down the nile river and it was absolutely amazing. i highly recommend it and plan to go again before i leave uganda.

i'm so thankful for god's provision in this journey. i feel at peace and like i'm right where i'm supposed to be. there is nothing like the center of god's will. it is such a sweet place to be. while i'm still unsure of how long i will be in uganda and where God will lead me i am incredibly thankful for each day He gives me and know that this trip is not the end of my journey here.

thank you all so much for the prayers, love, and support as i begin this journey. it's been so good + i can't wait to see what he does in the coming days and months ahead.

graduation party

so, i had the most magical graduation party ever. 

it was everything i could have ever wanted + i was surrounded by all of my favorite people. 

the theme was "oh, the places you'll go!" and it was just that. 

it was so perfect that i felt i had to share some of it on my little space of web. i leave for uganda in just 12 days so my party was also a little "send off" too! 

the cards table was also a pillowcase that we asked people to sign with "sweet dreams" or well wishes for me while i'm in africa. it was one of my favorite things. the palate was also awesome. we just nailed string and used it to clip photos from birth-now on. 

 my precious daddy + i. so thankful that he will be visiting me in Uganda and seeing the land i love! 

the photo booth was a huge hit + one of my "take away" gifts was a chinese takeout box (monogrammed, of course) with a little fortune cookie in it.  

 my guest book was themed with the party. one page had a senior photo the other had a map with a b/w baby photo of me where the guests could sign. i made it and am quite obsessed with it. 

 small cups of kettle corn, chocolate dipped pretzels, + amazing cupcakes (thanks erica!) made up the best parts of the dessert table. 

 the smores bar ended up being quite the hit with our smaller guests who loved making them right there.

 fun fact; the ashton on the A is actually my signature. i'm quite in love with my monogram and signature, so we hid it everywhere in the party. 

and no party is complete without Ashton Water, right? 

my precious and amazing friend, jennifer. 

jen-ta-fa, thank you so for creating the party of my dreams + for going above and beyond anything i could have imagined. i owe you big time + will be forever thankful for you + your sweet self. you're crazy talented and pulled off the party of the year. this constitutes you being late for the rest of forever in my book :) 

thank you to those who helped make it possible + to those who joined in on the fun. so thankful for all of you who love me so well + celebrate me even more. 

three weeks.

three weeks from today i will board an airplane to the land that has been in my heart for so long.

three weeks from today i will have graduated high school, said goodbye to everything i've known, and miraculously gotten everything done.

three weeks.

soon and very soon.

and i'm thankful.

so, so thankful.

when oceans rise

if i've learned anything from this journey i'm on it's that i am so not capable.

i am obsessed with organization. i love a clean house, i love color coordination, i adore clean cars, and clean cut things. so much. yet, when it comes to my room, car, + life it is so not like the things i love.

during this crazy whirlwind of a year since i accepted my move to uganda, it has been insane. i feel like i have accomplished nothing and everything at the same time.

right now between graduating from high school and still having not taken senior photos, sent out invitations/announcements, gotten a white dress, gotten any other outfits, shoes, or anything else PLUS still needing 10123823984 things for Uganda, to raise a little more money, to enjoy my time here in the states, to prepare, etc i am quite run down, unprepared and on my knees.

and in this chaos and mess i realize that He is still so present and real and with me. even when i feel like i'm drowning, i'm brought back to the earth-shattering knowledge that He walks on water.

i'm obsessed with Hillsong. their music makes me happy + i could listen to it all the live long day. one of my favorites (along with half of the worlds population) is the song Oceans. it speaks so true to my heart in this season.

when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. 

do i truly believe those lyrics? of course. but when oceans are rising all around me, my perfectionist self finds it so hard to rest in His embrace. because i want to fix it and be able to handle it all myself. but that's the thing. i'm not capable. i am one person and maybe if i had better planning skills, i could do it. but the truth is, i don't. and so i'm thrown to my knees in a whirlwind of His grace and mercy.

please pray for me in the coming days as i experience some of the biggest days of my life. and some of the hardest goodbyes and sweetest hellos. i will be graduating from high school in only four weeks. i will be saying goodbye to everything i've loved and known for the last four years of my life and i will be closing a very sweet chapter which is such a bittersweet feeling for me. i spent a lot of days hating the building i walked into everyday and the people i encountered, but i spent a lot of days and nights loving it fiercely and loving every human being that crossed my path.

pray for my goodbyes. i will be leaving a four year old sister who is my very best friend. and i will be leaving four other sweet siblings who i love fiercely and that own my heart. i will be saying goodbye to my precious parents that are such a huge part of my life. i will be saying goodbye to all of my friends. the ones i have grown with for 12 long years. i will say goodbye to my life as i knew it.

pray for my hellos. i will be entering a country that owns my heart and runs it. i will be going to the place that is the heartbeat of my world. i will be saying hello to many broken and beautiful souls and telling them about the beautiful love that Jesus has for them. i will be loving them and doing exactly what God has called me to.

pray for my "loss" i will not be going to college with all of my other friends or enjoying a summer at the beach and lake with my family. i will be in a foreign country by myself. learning how to live on my own, while learning a whole new culture and a new normal. it will be very hard, but so rewarding. i don't count it as loss, in any way! trust me, but i do know that it may be a struggle the first few days/weeks regardless of the excitement and joy i hold in my heart.

this is what God has called me to. He has called me to a land that is far from all i've ever known. He has called me to dirt beneath my finger nails and to loving hard and good-even when it's not easy and my own heart feels mangled. He has called me to fingerprinting in the messy of grace and to change. and i'm so thankful.

a messy redemption

insert a miracle. out of a tired and dying world full of brokeness comes a miracle. a baby is born and it shows God's most beautiful ideal yet: He wants to save us. to deliver us. to come to us and to give us a kingdom of glory amidst dying, poverty, and a broken existence. 

He came to the world. God in flesh and He said to us "You messed up yesterday, you'll mess up today and you'll do it again tomorrow, but you know what? i love you. with everything in me i absolutely adore you. i cherish you and i think you are worth it all. you are worthy. you matter. you are mine. through the good, the bad, and everything in between that love will not change. i love you today and i love you tomorrow. i sent this gift to you to save you. to help you and to ease your burden. i came to the world and i am going to save you. because i love you. i fiercely love you and this is how i will prove it to you." 

God came into the world through a 14 year old girl. she was nothing special to the world yet kings bowed down to this baby she carried in her womb. He grew to preach and heal and change. He lived the perfect life. He never ever sinned. He was in every sense of the word, perfect. yet, He died the most tragic and shameful of deaths and suffered immensely. all for you. and for me. at only 33 years old the King of Kings died. He died amongst scoffers and mockers who would assume let a murderer go then this innocent man. the man that only came here to save us in the first place. 

the most tragic part? at anytime He could have commanded it to all stop. he could have gotten off that cross by Himself and not had a scar on His body. He could have. but He didn't. because He came to save us. He came to bring us peace and to rescue us from ourselves. from our sin and filth. 

that is a God that could have saved us in any way shape or form. He didn't have to go through all of that. He could have left us all to rot in sin and die. but He didn't. He came to the world in a dirty manger. a KING was born amongst animals and filth and was grown up into a world of poverty and sin. why? because it would take that pain and fearlessness while He walked this earth to bring such a love that was the greatest of all. a love that knew no boundaries. a love that was fearless and messy and so, so beautiful. a love that would save us all. He came to this broken world because of love. love is selfless. so selfless that the God of the universe dropped all of His glory and ranking and came just for love. He didn't come to prove His majesty or power or to prove how glorious He was. He came for love. the greatest love the world would ever experience was hung upon a cross.

but that wasn't the end. while the world thought that He was done, He was just beginning because on the third day, a tomb was rolled away and their was no savior to be found. He had risen. He had done just what He came to do. He saved us from ourselves. God used a really messy dirty story to make something so beautiful and to save me. and to save you. because to Him you were worth it. worth every tear and drop of blood that was shed. the God that died on the cross 2,000 years ago is the same God today that would do it all over again for just one person. He loves you and i so much that He would relive the torture and the poverty and the mocking for one. just one. 

He took my place on that cross. He took your place. a sinless man took the place of a dirty messy sinner so that we would never have to have that shame. we can be free, all because of Him. He carried your cross. and my cross. because of Him we would never go without grace. that is Love. that is the beauty of His love. that is the messiest, but most beautiful picture of redemption the world has ever known.

He loved us enough to come down and prove that He can make beauty from ashes. He can turn the messiest of stories into something incredibly beautiful. and you know what? He is still in that business of fixing broken hearts and making all things beautiful. He is the same today as He was yesterday and He's not changing tomorrow. all we have to do is accept His gift. just that. accept the gift He bestowed upon the world so many years ago.

rejoicing and thankful for an empty tomb + risen King.

Happy Easter.

being the church.

in our modern world we "go to church" the church has become known as a place we go to worship, socialize, and meet with other believers. nowhere in the new testament do the followers of Jesus "go to church". what you do see is where the church gathered together. believe it or not, there's a big difference between the two. that difference still exists today.

anyone can go to church, but being the church is much different. i don't believe God ever meant for church to be about buildings, services, or filling pews. 

in the bible jesus sees the church as His bride. i don't believe Jesus sees a building as His bride, but the people. that is what the church is supposed to be. it is people. people who love Him, seek Him, and go to tell others about Him. people make up a church, not a building.

i believe being the church is about serving, missions, and loving those who need love. that is what Jesus did. He showed grace, love, & compassion. Jesus didn't go by cliques or social standings. He loved every single person He came in contact with. He loves the broken, the orphan, the sinner and the saint. and that's exactly what the church is supposed to do, yet most of the time the people inside of a building they call a church do nothing of the sort.

i think as Americans, we've gotten this idea that the only way we can have "church" is by going into a nice building with comfy chairs and good music. that's hardly the case. the best church i ever went to was in the middle of a village in Uganda. the church was just a few walls and a roof. the floor was dirt. there was no bathroom or a/c. the music was a guitar and two singers. the chairs were plastic. but there was the church. and it was beautiful.

we've allowed four walls to amount to something much greater than anything we posses on this earth. most of us have lost what it truly means to be the church. we think that by going to church every sunday we are fulfilling what we are called to do as christians. 

Jesus says this : pure and faultless religion is this; to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to not become polluted by the world. [james 1:27]  

pure religion isn't a nice building. it's caring for those in distress and not being polluted by the greed, power, and sin of this world. that is serving jesus. that is church. 

don't get me wrong, churches are great. and not all churches have the wrong idea. church is a wonderful place for people of all kinds and churches bring many people to Him, but we don't need to leave church in that building at 12pm on Sundays. We need to be the church. at work, at school, at soccer practice, at the doctors office. we are on a mission field every day of our lives. 

You don't have to go to Africa to be a missionary. you were called to be a missionary right where you are at this moment. every single person is called to be the church. it's not a special calling just on my life. it's a call on every single one of our lives. 

We can't afford to become distracted from God's original plan for the church. there are souls at stake. God has made the church to be His body, which is made up of believers in Jesus-to reach the lost for His glory. 

we have to step up as the church, today and everyday, and go after those souls that are lost. because as Christians, that is what we are commanded to do. 

we are to be living, breathing examples of God's love. when God said to "Go and Make Disciples of all the Nations" i don't think it was a suggestion. it was a command. and one that we are called to live out daily.