when oceans rise

if i've learned anything from this journey i'm on it's that i am so not capable.

i am obsessed with organization. i love a clean house, i love color coordination, i adore clean cars, and clean cut things. so much. yet, when it comes to my room, car, + life it is so not like the things i love.

during this crazy whirlwind of a year since i accepted my move to uganda, it has been insane. i feel like i have accomplished nothing and everything at the same time.

right now between graduating from high school and still having not taken senior photos, sent out invitations/announcements, gotten a white dress, gotten any other outfits, shoes, or anything else PLUS still needing 10123823984 things for Uganda, to raise a little more money, to enjoy my time here in the states, to prepare, etc i am quite run down, unprepared and on my knees.

and in this chaos and mess i realize that He is still so present and real and with me. even when i feel like i'm drowning, i'm brought back to the earth-shattering knowledge that He walks on water.

i'm obsessed with Hillsong. their music makes me happy + i could listen to it all the live long day. one of my favorites (along with half of the worlds population) is the song Oceans. it speaks so true to my heart in this season.

when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. 

do i truly believe those lyrics? of course. but when oceans are rising all around me, my perfectionist self finds it so hard to rest in His embrace. because i want to fix it and be able to handle it all myself. but that's the thing. i'm not capable. i am one person and maybe if i had better planning skills, i could do it. but the truth is, i don't. and so i'm thrown to my knees in a whirlwind of His grace and mercy.

please pray for me in the coming days as i experience some of the biggest days of my life. and some of the hardest goodbyes and sweetest hellos. i will be graduating from high school in only four weeks. i will be saying goodbye to everything i've loved and known for the last four years of my life and i will be closing a very sweet chapter which is such a bittersweet feeling for me. i spent a lot of days hating the building i walked into everyday and the people i encountered, but i spent a lot of days and nights loving it fiercely and loving every human being that crossed my path.

pray for my goodbyes. i will be leaving a four year old sister who is my very best friend. and i will be leaving four other sweet siblings who i love fiercely and that own my heart. i will be saying goodbye to my precious parents that are such a huge part of my life. i will be saying goodbye to all of my friends. the ones i have grown with for 12 long years. i will say goodbye to my life as i knew it.

pray for my hellos. i will be entering a country that owns my heart and runs it. i will be going to the place that is the heartbeat of my world. i will be saying hello to many broken and beautiful souls and telling them about the beautiful love that Jesus has for them. i will be loving them and doing exactly what God has called me to.

pray for my "loss" i will not be going to college with all of my other friends or enjoying a summer at the beach and lake with my family. i will be in a foreign country by myself. learning how to live on my own, while learning a whole new culture and a new normal. it will be very hard, but so rewarding. i don't count it as loss, in any way! trust me, but i do know that it may be a struggle the first few days/weeks regardless of the excitement and joy i hold in my heart.

this is what God has called me to. He has called me to a land that is far from all i've ever known. He has called me to dirt beneath my finger nails and to loving hard and good-even when it's not easy and my own heart feels mangled. He has called me to fingerprinting in the messy of grace and to change. and i'm so thankful.

a messy redemption

insert a miracle. out of a tired and dying world full of brokeness comes a miracle. a baby is born and it shows God's most beautiful ideal yet: He wants to save us. to deliver us. to come to us and to give us a kingdom of glory amidst dying, poverty, and a broken existence. 

He came to the world. God in flesh and He said to us "You messed up yesterday, you'll mess up today and you'll do it again tomorrow, but you know what? i love you. with everything in me i absolutely adore you. i cherish you and i think you are worth it all. you are worthy. you matter. you are mine. through the good, the bad, and everything in between that love will not change. i love you today and i love you tomorrow. i sent this gift to you to save you. to help you and to ease your burden. i came to the world and i am going to save you. because i love you. i fiercely love you and this is how i will prove it to you." 

God came into the world through a 14 year old girl. she was nothing special to the world yet kings bowed down to this baby she carried in her womb. He grew to preach and heal and change. He lived the perfect life. He never ever sinned. He was in every sense of the word, perfect. yet, He died the most tragic and shameful of deaths and suffered immensely. all for you. and for me. at only 33 years old the King of Kings died. He died amongst scoffers and mockers who would assume let a murderer go then this innocent man. the man that only came here to save us in the first place. 

the most tragic part? at anytime He could have commanded it to all stop. he could have gotten off that cross by Himself and not had a scar on His body. He could have. but He didn't. because He came to save us. He came to bring us peace and to rescue us from ourselves. from our sin and filth. 

that is a God that could have saved us in any way shape or form. He didn't have to go through all of that. He could have left us all to rot in sin and die. but He didn't. He came to the world in a dirty manger. a KING was born amongst animals and filth and was grown up into a world of poverty and sin. why? because it would take that pain and fearlessness while He walked this earth to bring such a love that was the greatest of all. a love that knew no boundaries. a love that was fearless and messy and so, so beautiful. a love that would save us all. He came to this broken world because of love. love is selfless. so selfless that the God of the universe dropped all of His glory and ranking and came just for love. He didn't come to prove His majesty or power or to prove how glorious He was. He came for love. the greatest love the world would ever experience was hung upon a cross.

but that wasn't the end. while the world thought that He was done, He was just beginning because on the third day, a tomb was rolled away and their was no savior to be found. He had risen. He had done just what He came to do. He saved us from ourselves. God used a really messy dirty story to make something so beautiful and to save me. and to save you. because to Him you were worth it. worth every tear and drop of blood that was shed. the God that died on the cross 2,000 years ago is the same God today that would do it all over again for just one person. He loves you and i so much that He would relive the torture and the poverty and the mocking for one. just one. 

He took my place on that cross. He took your place. a sinless man took the place of a dirty messy sinner so that we would never have to have that shame. we can be free, all because of Him. He carried your cross. and my cross. because of Him we would never go without grace. that is Love. that is the beauty of His love. that is the messiest, but most beautiful picture of redemption the world has ever known.

He loved us enough to come down and prove that He can make beauty from ashes. He can turn the messiest of stories into something incredibly beautiful. and you know what? He is still in that business of fixing broken hearts and making all things beautiful. He is the same today as He was yesterday and He's not changing tomorrow. all we have to do is accept His gift. just that. accept the gift He bestowed upon the world so many years ago.

rejoicing and thankful for an empty tomb + risen King.

Happy Easter.

being the church.

in our modern world we "go to church" the church has become known as a place we go to worship, socialize, and meet with other believers. nowhere in the new testament do the followers of Jesus "go to church". what you do see is where the church gathered together. believe it or not, there's a big difference between the two. that difference still exists today.

anyone can go to church, but being the church is much different. i don't believe God ever meant for church to be about buildings, services, or filling pews. 

in the bible jesus sees the church as His bride. i don't believe Jesus sees a building as His bride, but the people. that is what the church is supposed to be. it is people. people who love Him, seek Him, and go to tell others about Him. people make up a church, not a building.

i believe being the church is about serving, missions, and loving those who need love. that is what Jesus did. He showed grace, love, & compassion. Jesus didn't go by cliques or social standings. He loved every single person He came in contact with. He loves the broken, the orphan, the sinner and the saint. and that's exactly what the church is supposed to do, yet most of the time the people inside of a building they call a church do nothing of the sort.

i think as Americans, we've gotten this idea that the only way we can have "church" is by going into a nice building with comfy chairs and good music. that's hardly the case. the best church i ever went to was in the middle of a village in Uganda. the church was just a few walls and a roof. the floor was dirt. there was no bathroom or a/c. the music was a guitar and two singers. the chairs were plastic. but there was the church. and it was beautiful.

we've allowed four walls to amount to something much greater than anything we posses on this earth. most of us have lost what it truly means to be the church. we think that by going to church every sunday we are fulfilling what we are called to do as christians. 

Jesus says this : pure and faultless religion is this; to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to not become polluted by the world. [james 1:27]  

pure religion isn't a nice building. it's caring for those in distress and not being polluted by the greed, power, and sin of this world. that is serving jesus. that is church. 

don't get me wrong, churches are great. and not all churches have the wrong idea. church is a wonderful place for people of all kinds and churches bring many people to Him, but we don't need to leave church in that building at 12pm on Sundays. We need to be the church. at work, at school, at soccer practice, at the doctors office. we are on a mission field every day of our lives. 

You don't have to go to Africa to be a missionary. you were called to be a missionary right where you are at this moment. every single person is called to be the church. it's not a special calling just on my life. it's a call on every single one of our lives. 

We can't afford to become distracted from God's original plan for the church. there are souls at stake. God has made the church to be His body, which is made up of believers in Jesus-to reach the lost for His glory. 

we have to step up as the church, today and everyday, and go after those souls that are lost. because as Christians, that is what we are commanded to do. 

we are to be living, breathing examples of God's love. when God said to "Go and Make Disciples of all the Nations" i don't think it was a suggestion. it was a command. and one that we are called to live out daily. 

plan b

plan b is a tricky little thing in this life. especially mine. 

see, my plan a has always been africa. as long as jesus calls me, africa is where i'll be. and i'm ok with that. actually, i'm in love with it. 

but because i don't know where i'll be in 5 years or even 5 months, i need a plan b. but plan b and i don't really get along that well on most days. plan b has never sat well in my bones. it's never been where i wanted to be, yet so many of us stay there. 

in my mind, plan b is where you are standing when you decide that you are too afraid to step out + let life hit you hard. with blessings and dreams and things you didn't know you possessed. plan b is the boring, but seemingly secure, place you build when you desperately want to keep things together. but here's the thing, plan b, it's not for me and it's not for you either. 

plan b didn't work for me when i was 12 and desperate to be normal and it's not working for me now at 18. it didn't work yesterday, it won't work tomorrow, but if you, are like me, you will try your very best to fight and push and put everything you have in your little being into making that plan b work. but it's never gonna. 

in our heads, plan b is the safe way. the good way. the way that leaves everyone with nothing negative to say, but with nothing positive either. plan b is bland. and it is the easy way. 

the thing is, jesus doesn't call us to be safe. He calls us to be faithful. and sometimes being faithful means quitting the good act. quitting the safe path. choosing to be reckless and to love with abandon. choosing to go beyond our comforts and what our idea of life should be. it means leaving the shouldhave + wouldhave for what He has. 

don't get me wrong, if jesus gives you a plan a and you go with plan b, He won't love you any less, but take it from me, you could miss out on some of the best and greatest blessings of your life.

if i've learned anything in this season of my life, it's that plan b doesn't work. and neither does living to please this world and the people in it. i've finally come to the realization that this is my life. it's your life, too. so i dare you to stop acting as if this world runs you. as if the people who have never cared enough to listen to you and the song in your soul have any say in what you do with this one, amazing and beautiful life that is all your own. i have learned to stop waiting for the next big thing and to stop standing in the corner waiting for an arrow to show me where i am supposed to go. i dare you, just start running. full out sprint. 

peace will come flooding into you when it's right. peace comes in footsteps and trials and quitting plan b, i promise. you have one chance to change this world and to be the mover and shaker you were born to be. and the thing is, the world isn't  gonna cry if you never use it. it's all on you. every bit of it. it's all you. the sweat, tears and blood to come they are all your own. you were put on this earth for a reason. 

you may not know, yet and i don't know either, but this world has always been about one thing. it's always been craving for the one thing that brought it together in the first place, love. it's about helping people. choosing to be graceful for people. choosing to find beauty. choosing love. this is where you'll find joy. and that, that is where the peace is. it's the beauty in every aspect of this life. you were born to make a difference. you were born to break the chains and to quit plan b. you were born to chase plan a and to rock it. 

seek your passion, seek His heart and go after it. don't stop running until you're so overcome with joy and peace you can barely breathe. will it always be easy? absolutely not. will it always be worth it? definitely. 

questions

i get questions, always. i love answering them and am always so excited when people show genuine interest in my move. if you see me, ask me about it! i love talking about the land i love and am always open to answering any questions. 

because i don't get to talk to everyone in person or detail, i figured i would answer a few FAQ while i had a little bit of time. so, here we go. 

where will you be? 
jinja, uganda for the most part. i will be in kampala less frequently but will make a few visits. 

what about college? 
right now, i feel like this is the calling God has placed on my life and i plan to follow Him fully. college can wait. no degree is worth ignoring the calling God has placed on my life and it is always gonna be available to me when i am ready. souls are at stake here. i am going to be a missionary and right now loving and serving His people is my top priority. and it's not every day you get to pack up and live your dream, right? 

why? 
well this is a deep question, but basically from the time i was about 10 uganda has been my heart. from the time i was 13 i have harassed my parents to allow me to go to uganda. when i finally went at 16 my soul knew. uganda is the land i love and i am eager to return. i feel certain that God gives us desires and passions and i am chasing mine right now. 

when do you leave? 
June 6th! i am literally counting down the days (74 left!) until i leave. i am so so excited. 

what will you be doing? 
i will be volunteering at Ekisa (such a dream!) and will be partnering with other ministries as well. i will be loving people, children, and sharing Jesus wherever i go. i basically am going to have the best job in the entire world and i feel crazy blessed to be on this journey. 

are you graduating? 
yes! i will be graduating on may 31 from high school and i'm quite excited. it's a bittersweet feeling for certain, but an exciting one nevertheless. i look forward to the new season of life that is just on the horizon for me after graduation. 

how old are you? 
i'm 18! 

what about safety? 
to be honest, there will be "danger" no matter where you roam, i rest in the promises of Jesus. if my God is for me, who could stand against me? i also use these verses/quotes to encourage myself (and my family)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. [Joshua 1:9]
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. [Philippians 4:19]
God never sends you where He hasn't already been. [Max Lucado] 

aren't you scared? 
this is quite a frequent question and if i am being honest, yes sometimes i get a small wave of fear, but it passes as quickly as it comes and i am flooded with peace and promises that only He can provide. i am excited about the future and i cannot wait to see what God does. 

how can i help? 
oh! i'm so glad you asked. 
there are many ways to help and there's a cute little tab at the top of my page that says "help wanted" click on it for some great in depth ideas, but here are a few easy ones that are linked for easy access. you're welcome.
> pray like crazy
> buy one of these tshirts
> join my prayer team
> send one of the donations listed here
> all of the above
above all "money needs", prayer is so much more important. please remember to pray for me, uganda, and the people i will be serving daily. 

if you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me. i would love to hear from you! 

tying you closer than most, 
Ashton 

booked.

yesterday we booked plane tickets to uganda. today we paid for them [ouch]

we you ask? yes. we. my dad and i. my precious dad has decided to travel with me to uganda and drop me off. he wants to make sure i am safe and i want to show him the land i love. it's going to be a sweet, sweet few days and i cannot wait. 

yesterday we finalized dates and finalized some tickets and guess what y'all? 

i'm officially uganda bound in 77 days. SEVENTY SEVEN DAYS. 

so soon! and i am going crazy. like i don't even know what to do with myself. I AM GOING TO UGANDA!!! 
(also, please notice my THREE ! points. i'm an english nerd and my rule is no more than two….if you're really, really excited) 

On June 6 I will board an airplane to the land that i call home. 

and there is so much to be done between now and then. 

i will be going to sea world. i will be swimming with dolphins. i will be graduating high school. have grad parties. savoring the last little bit of high school. oh, yes and planning to pack up and MOVE to a foreign country. 

it's a crazy few months ahead. i'm nervous, i'm excited, i'm anxious, i'm feeling thankful beyond belief, i am so so so ready, but sometimes i'm not. 

so, pray for me please. especially over the next 77 days. 

pray i find peace. pray i find joy and can enjoy the last bit of time in high school with my friends. pray i can prepare. mentally, physically and spiritually. 

i would be so, so thankful for that.

seventy seven days and i'm africa bound. 

ready or not, here i go! 

seek. love. walk.

one of my favorite verses is seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God [micah 6:8] 

i love everything about it. and quite frequently say "seek. love. walk." 

a few months ago the lovely jennifer and i began plotting for a tshirt to help raise funds for my move to uganda. i knew i wanted simple, yet powerful. 

i do a lot of sketching and actually sketched out a map of the world one day [the one on the shirt]. i showed it to jennifer, she worked her magic and my uganda shirt was born. 

the front of the shirt boldly states "seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God" 
that is how i want to serve, justly, mercifully, and humbly.  

100% of the proceeds of this shirt go to helping me serve the people of Uganda and enable me to live out the calling God has placed on my life. 

the shirts are $15 each [they are unisex] and you can order them at underthecarolinamoon.com 

i have been overwhelmed by the support and love i've received since my announcement and am continually thankful. 


you can find me on social media, too
instagram: @ashtonbry
Facebook: Facebook.com/ashtonbry